Discussion in 'The VIP Lounj' started by DYohn, Sep 24, 2010.
Oh, Like a foot up their a*€
Kewl! Roadrunner flashbacks, dude!
An oldie -
Girlfriend to boyfriend would you like to play with my pussy? Boyfriend love to but get that damn cat off your lap first!
Not really humor, just a blast from the past. But peanut butter? Uh, no thanks.
Allow me to thread crap... I had a college room mate who ate peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches. :eek:
Ugh. Mayonnaise & banannas is popular. Ugh
Male co-worker to female colleague: "You look a lot better with your glasses off."
Female co-worker reply: "Yes, you look a lot better with my glasses off, too."
David.... HR called and they'd like to see you now. :oops:
Paddy had been drinking at his local pub all day and most of the night.
Mick, the bartender says, ‘You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’.
Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
‘Damn’ he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, ‘oh bloody damn!’
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
‘Be-Jesus… I’m in bloody trouble,’ he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says ‘No bloody way....’
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says ‘I can make it to the bed’. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says ‘damn it’ and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, ‘Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?’
Paddy says, ‘I did, Jess. I was bloody pissed. But how did you know?’
‘Mick phoned .. . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.’
THE TOMATO GARDEN
An old gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very d ifficult work, as the ground was hard His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like the old days.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area w ithout finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
The painting is Narcissus if you didn’t get the reference.
Separate names with a comma.